Honesty scale
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The 0 to 10 "honesty scale" is a great chance for self-reflection. How honest are you with your friends? How about with your family? How about your co-workers? Are you truthful to everyone, or just the people you like?
My Graphical Representation of the "Honesty Scale" (0-10)
What it Means to be Honest
I think I'm at an (honest) 9 on this scale. The thought of telling non-truth makes me feel uneasy, and most people tell me I volunteer too much! However, I also have divorced parents, so I've gone through that phase of awkward white lies in my childhood to prevent tears.
I believe 100% radial honesty is not just rare; it doesn't exist. Even people with high autism spectrum traits try to filter their words. The closest to 100% honest I've witnessed are young children who blurt out "you are fat" to some poor lady who runs off to cry. Over time, we're taught what we are and are not allowed to say... and honesty isn't just about telling the truth to a question you are asked. There's a certain amount of information we should disclose to others to promote well-being. If you catch someone cheating, you will call them dishonest, and even the most horrendous gaslighter shouldn't come back at you and say: "but I never lied, you just never asked me if I was sleeping with your sister, thus I'm an honest soul". Certain things go unsaid, but even outside of our relationships, there are honesty points we win or lose when we follow road rules, fill in our taxes correctly, leave a note if you ding a car, or even ask around who dropped a twenty-dollar note on the ground in a nightclub. We also might have different values in different situations or around certain people, so for really good friends or lovers, it's probably best to make the implicit explicit and ask.
As you get older, it's also a bit rough to learn that some amount of white lie can be healthy. On someone's deathbed, if they ask you what their life meant, you don't tell them that they were a tremendous waste of space, they are unattractive, almost nobody likes them, and you were only hanging around because they had an unexpectedly hot sibling. Even radical honesty is not that cruel.
What is, however, truly cruel are people who are pathological liars, and sometimes they do it so well you won't catch it. I think a good measure of your integrity is just how guilty you feel when you are withholding something from someone who needs to know it - even if it's for a few hours. For people who are on the liar side, they must somehow not feel that guilt.
Projection vs. Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
We all project. If you're a highly honest person, you like to believe everyone else - even salesmen - has sincerity also. If you are a dishonest person who cheats, steals or calls themselves a pickup artist, then you probably assume everyone else is trying to do the same. A thief closely watches people in their own home, because they imagine they would steal in that situation. So that's a projection. But what about the self-fulfilling prophecy?
When you treat someone as though they’re going to betray or deceive you, it can subconsciously push them toward that behaviour. If you treat someone like they are going to steal from you, or even accuse them of that temptation, then it's far more likely they will. Why? How you treat people is often what they become - even if just in that moment. That said, it doesn't pay to be naive. You probably shouldn't invite a drug dealer to borrow your expensive car week, because yes - this gesture of trust might make them less likely to steal - but it's still a drug dealer we're talking about. Treat people how you wish to be treated, but be aware that just because you are honest most of the time, doesn't mean those around you are. For a fun exercise, maybe you can ask them where they fall on this scale! What might shock you is that - if they have nothing to lose in that moment - they might tell the truth. If they lie... well sadly how can you trust them to tell the truth for any of these scales? We all sway and exaggerate stories a little in our favour right?
Disclaimer
This is in no way an official calibrated scale... and as we established before, the problem with dishonest people is they might be dishonest with themselves where they fall on this scale. Use it just to stimulate conversation about what values people have. :)
Sincerely,
Andrew Noske
PS: Feedback is most encouraged! :)
See Also
- Open Communication Scale - Another spectrum, that is a closely related to honesty.
