Tall girl theory and the high heel effect
Contents
About
In simple terms... the "High Heels Effect" - also called the "Tall Girl Theory" is the idea that many women are setting their dating standards higher than the pool of available men can realistically meet.
The phrase "Tall Girl Theory" is a playful reference to the fact that few women want to date men shorter than them - a throwback from our evolution, and this extends to education level, income, success, status and several other metrics. In earlier times, women rarely got the fair education they deserved, but since the 1980s, women have outperformed men educationally in Western countries. By 2023, around over 60 % of U.S. college graduates are women ([1 https://www.politifact.com/factchecks/2025/apr/09/ruben-gallego/sen-ruben-gallego-mostly-right-american-men-tra/], [2 https://www.admitsee.com/blog/the-new-gender-gap-why-over-60-of-college-graduates-are-female]) — but many still hesitate to "date down." Add to this the cultural fantasy of the "6-6-6 man" (six foot, six-figure income, six-pack abs) - another phrase that has gained prevalence in the U.S - and suddenly, very few men tick all those boxes.
In short, we now have an incredible pool of highly successful women, but the pool of men deemed eligible has effectively shrunk. On one hand, it sounds empowering for women, but sadly, it's had a nasty consequence on society. A huge fraction of men have become effectively invisible (in real life and especially on online dating) and given up on love. A huge fraction of women have fallen into bitterness as they are effectively competing for a small fraction of men who are in the top 10% and often use this as an opportunity to keep their options open. As a result, there are more single and more bitter men and women than ever... and if anything, the supposed accessibility of dating via online dating apps has only made bitterness worse.
Videos
Chris Williamson's "**Tall Girl Theory**" frames this modern mismatch well. He shares that **78 % of women want to date a man as educated or employed as they are**, while that expectation isn't reciprocated by men as strongly. [oai_citation:0‡YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RCUdvfwr_U&utm_source=chatgpt.com)
Personal Backstory
Every so often, a friend tells me something that inspires an article.... like Janelle's [theory on cheating]. Back in probably 2022, my friend Adam told me about the High Heel Effect and it kind of blew me away - it described something I'd observed in so many of my female friends... it mirrored their frustration. I'm proud to be friends with so many incredible women, honestly - badass women, smart, independent, deep into self-growth, self-sufficiency, and... most of them struggling to find love, and some of them bitter at men.
Personal Backstory
Men get accused of being superficial, and only wanting young attractive women
For me, it's sometimes awkward here because I feel like I've worked hard on myself. I'm six foot, I earn a six-figure, I have a PhD, I'm a gentleman, but I'm not in the 10% of men who get all the attention on online dating, so it's
The Data and Williamson's Lens
- **Educational imbalance**: Women now earn the majority of college degrees, narrowing the pool of men who match or exceed that level. [oai_citation:1‡Daniel Dashnaw](https://danieldashnawcouplestherapy.com/blog/the-tall-girl-problem?utm_source=chatgpt.com) - **Heightened standards**: Williamson cites that most women expect parity or elevation in partner status—this is the essence of the “tall girl” dilemma. [oai_citation:2‡Daniel Dashnaw](https://danieldashnawcouplestherapy.com/blog/the-tall-girl-problem?utm_source=chatgpt.com) - **Men's social struggles**: He also brings up that **15 % of men have zero close friends**, and **80 % report not approaching a woman because they fear seeming creepy**. [oai_citation:3‡LeaderSelf](https://leaderself.com/chris-williamson-the-shocking-new-research-on-why-men-and-women-are-no-longer-compatible/?utm_source=chatgpt.com)
These factors—high expectations, fewer visible male options, and social barriers—are converging to create a dating environment where fewer people connect.
The Inflection Point
Many women tell me that around age 35, the flirting and invitations just dry up. Suddenly, men stop approaching, and the dating pool shrinks. As Williamson points out, this isn’t just a gap in standards — it's a forwarding of expectations combined with men's social withdrawal.
Add to that projections like **by 2045, nearly 45 % of women aged 25–45 will remain single and childless**. [oai_citation:4‡TikTok](https://www.tiktok.com/%40clips6723/video/7371597974926855456?utm_source=chatgpt.com) [oai_citation:5‡Shortform](https://www.shortform.com/podcast/episode/modern-wisdom-2024-11-23-episode-summary-868-mads-larsen-the-hidden-truth-about-our-collapsing-birth-rates?utm_source=chatgpt.com) [oai_citation:6‡LeaderSelf](https://leaderself.com/chris-williamson-the-shocking-new-research-on-why-men-and-women-are-no-longer-compatible/?utm_source=chatgpt.com) That’s a sobering reflection of where things are heading.
The Evolutionary Lens
This all aligns with an evolutionary tug-of-war:
- Women often seek resources, security, and partner competence. - Men are drawn to signs of fertility, youth, and physical vitality.
Neither dynamic is inherently wrong, but when both expectations are idealized (the “6-6-6” myth), the dating market shrinks rapidly.
Williamson’s stats about social isolation—for instance, that one in three men ages 18–30 hasn’t had sex in the past year—reflect how disconnected men are becoming in romantic life. [oai_citation:7‡chriswillx.com](https://chriswillx.com/3-minute-monday-questions-height-bullshit/?utm_source=chatgpt.com) [oai_citation:8‡LeaderSelf](https://leaderself.com/chris-williamson-the-shocking-new-research-on-why-men-and-women-are-no-longer-compatible/?utm_source=chatgpt.com)
The Challenge Today
Here's the rub:
- Women often want to “date up,” but there simply *aren’t enough men who meet or exceed* in education, status, or means. - Men are **also** socially disengaged, making the remaining pool harder to access.
This isn't just being picky—it’s a systemic narrowing. So instead of waiting for the mythical “perfect” partner, maybe it's time to redefine what qualifies as “up.”
Disclaimer: These are general trends—not iron laws. Not every woman wants a six-figure partner, and not every man seeks younger partners. But these patterns are worth knowing to adjust how we date, relate, and connect.
Conclusion
Understanding the High Heels Effect—and Williamson’s Tall Girl Theory—can help both sides shift strategies:
- **Women**: Consider dating for values, empathy, humor—not just credentials. - **Men**: Engage socially, lean into authenticity, grow confidence in approaching—because the pool is shrinking, not you're just invisible.
At the end of the day, attraction is primal, but connection is crafted. And sometimes, lowering a heel a smidge—not the standard—can make the world of difference.
Sincerely,
Andrew Noske
See Also
| Acknowledgements: Janelle for telling me this theory. |
