Difference between revisions of "Your inflection point in dating"
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Revision as of 01:19, 24 August 2025
Contents
About
In many ways article expands on the tall girl theory and the high heel effect (which I felt was getting too long) by focusing specifically on what I've noticed can represent "inflection points" for men and women - the age and status thresholds where dating opportunities change dramatically. I suppose I write this to warn others that yes, it happens, and how you can best brace yourself, accept it, or (perhaps) find the love of your life before it happens.
The Inflection Point for Women
Many women report that around age 35, flirting and invitations suddenly dry up. Men stop approaching, and the dating pool shrinks. Some women experience this later, but eventually it catches up. The shift often feels cruel - after years of attention, many suddenly feel invisible. This realisation can fuel bitterness, with a sense that their “prime” years were tied to age rather than who they are.
For men, many who may have never had a phase of receiving attention, this is hard to notice. But just a few years later (say 40), they also experience decline - especially if they lack wealth or status later in life.
I used to judge older men dating younger women as superficial. Now I see it differently, because of a realisation I had about human evolution and successful breeding:
- Successful breeding to women has historically looked like: breeding with men of larger physical stature and high status (alpha males).
- Successful breeding in men has historically looked like: breeding with women who were young, healthy, and have childbearing hips.
As a former scientist, this helped reduce my judgement and more peacefully just accept it as what is. The men I've talked honestly with like to date younger women for two primary reasions:
1. **Man's desire to breed** — Attraction to youth reflects a hardwired drive for healthy children. Even if men don’t want kids, instincts linger. 2. **Bitterness factor** — Many women past their inflection point carry baggage and resentment, which can be more unattractive than age itself. Younger women are associated with being more carefree, easier to impress or still see magic in the word.
Any glimmers of hope then? Of course!
Finding Hope Again
The reality of age is nuanced. In the U.S., husbands are about 2.2 years older than their wives on average, down from 4.9 years in 1880. So it's not as horrible as you might imagine. Nobody can change their age, but it is usually in your control to stay healthy, and do the growth necessary to reduce your bitterness - to forgive the people you feel have wronged you and get back to a more youthful, happy way of being where the world feels magical. That's attractive! I've seen a fifty year old women turn the heads of every man in the room because she oozed confidence, and seemed excited, instead of bitter about life! Yet it was more than that - not only wasn't she bitter, she was the type of women who could ask for what she wanted an approach women. In other words.. she felt didn't need to compete with younger women, because those younger, more attractive women were sitting in the corner with their friends instead of doing anything proactive to seek out or flirt with men.
The Inflection Point for Men
Men often observed that our inflection point in dating is less tied to age than to a formula of **status, wealth, looks, and social confidence**... but yes age too. In many cases a man's dating prospects often peak later, when career and finances stabilise, but decline if those areas stall. Without wealth or social capital, older men can also become invisible in the dating market.
In short: - **Women’s inflection point** is often **age-based**. - **Men’s inflection point** is often **status-based**.
Both, however, are artifacts of evolutionary psychology.
Personal Reflection
Living in the U.S., I searched for a partner to have children with. I came close but didn’t settle, hoping to first buy a home and return to Australia. Now at 42, I’m keenly aware that while I technically could father children forever, women face rising risks past 35. That biological mismatch contributes to dating stress.
Connection Back to Tall Girl Theory
The inflection points deepen the tall girl theory — they highlight not just educational and status mismatches, but how time itself shifts desirability. Both genders face narrowing windows, albeit in different ways.
Conclusion
Inflection points aren't destiny, but they matter. By recognizing them:
- **Women** can plan for the social/biological pressures of their 30s. - **Men** can work on social confidence and financial stability earlier.
And both can push back against bitterness by focusing on values, empathy, and shared growth instead of clinging to evolutionary defaults.
Sincerely,
Andrew Noske
