Wedding speech - MC for Jon and Satomi
This is a MC script I used for the wedding of two very good friends of mine, and though I'd put here as something I can look back on and smile. :) The got married August 2014, and the whole thing went very well I thought. :)
Hi everybody, my name is Andrew!
“Hayashi-kay no mina-sama Konninchiwa. Kono-tabi-wa o-med-ditto go-zai-mass” How was that Satomi? That will be my only attempt to speak Japanese tonight, so I really really hope I said what I think I said?
I am going to be your MC and I am really excited about that. Before the ceremony, I have the boring house rules I have to tell you.
- Toilet location. If you need to use the restroom, for anything... the people here would prefer you use the restrooms - one near the deck area ___, extra in the rooms in case of emergency.
- Smoking areas. If you're a smoker, there's an area you can use five miles down the road... or just down the grass there ___.
- Seating charts. Hopefully you've all noticed the seating chart ___, also you'll find name cards on the tables before it's time to sit down just after 6.
- Drinking. Beer and wine is free. This is the most important thing. Jon and Samtomi pay for beer and wine, but if want spirits the can be ordered from the bar using at your own expense.
- Wishing well location. There's a little wishing well to put money at the back.
- Go home time. This wedding goes till 11pm. So make sure you're drunk before 11pm, because that's when the drinks stop and we get kicked out, and it's also when the free bus back to Kuranda leaves.
- Guest book and photos. Soon after this wedding, Mr Albert Yang _____, will be taking photos for the guest book, so be easy on him and be sure you get a photo. We'd appreciate if everyone could find their photo after the meal tonight and sign the guest book. There are instructions on how to sign the guest book inside the guestbook. If you don't sign the guest book. Satomi will be really, really mad.
If you have any other questions, come visit me! I'm plenty friendly. Ladies and Gentleman, that covers the rules. I'm really excited, because very very soon there's going to be a wedding, so right now it's time to head down to the ceremony area.
Okay, now we've all gathered.... I want everyone to please stand up.... and give a clap for the new Mr and Miss Jonathan and Satomi Hayashi-Bekkers. <CLAP>
Let me just say..... Satomi, you look beautiful. And big Jon. I like your tie. You beautiful, beautiful man.
When Jon asked me to be MC I was very honored, but I guess not that surprised, because I am such a stand up bloke... so very very good looking... and so very very equally good at keeping secrets.
So let's talk about the bucks party. Albert over here, organized a terrific bucks party we went out drinking and shooting guns.... not in that order of course. Now I've known Jon since his moody years in high school hanging out with dodgy people ___, his moody years where we studied computer science together at James Cook University which was full of nerds as it turns out ___, his moody years where we lived together in a share house in Indooroopilly the place he met Satomi ___, all the way up to his later moody years and.... well, Satomi, does Jon still get moody sometimes?
Point is, I've know Jon and most of his dodgy friends for a long time. So I wasn't really expecting to discover anything new about Jon, but we all learned a couple of surprising things about Big Jon at the buck's party. In fact I have a gift here for Jon, which I've been keeping in my pants... I'll just take it out. It's a lovely belt studded with metal. Big Jon, does this belt bring back any memories?
Now the Australian culture, is sometimes a little hard to explain to foreigners... but on the bucks party, it's the responsibly of the grooms “friends” to get him incredibly incredibly drunk, and then generally torture him. A bucks party where the buck is not left bruised either mentally or physically, is a bad bucks party. As part of our bucks party we played cards and all took turns beating Jon with a belt. As you do.... 10 men alone in a room hitting a man on the back with a leather belt, nothing gay about that at all.
But what was surprising.... is that after a while Jon seemed a little bit too comfortable with a whipping... I actually think a part of him enjoyed it. In that moment I realized something. Before every wedding, you have to ask, is the groom really ready for married. Well Jon is now a man who's comfortable taking a beating, so Satomi, I think, he's more than ready for marriage. Incidentally I don't know what happened to our poor big innocent Jon that he has become so comfortable getting whipped, but I can only assume that somebody has corrupted him. Who could that have been. And so that's Jon's gift. Use however you want... there is no judgement here.
I also have a present for Satomi... also in my pants which is a little awkward. But this is it here. Satomi, do you know what this is.
This is, in fact, a miniature wine glass. Satomi is... by far, one of the most wonderful, but also one of the most fun girls I know! If you have to organize a party, Satomi should be the first person you invite. Sober Satomi is heaps of fun. Drunk Satomi.... well drunk Satomi, is like regular Satomi times 10, but for tonight, I had this idea that Satomi should maybe pace herself by drinking drink out of this glass. Satomi doesn't take a lot to get tipsy, so I'm hoping with this specially glass she'll be able to have more than one and a half glasses without falling over.
Enough presents though. Before food is brought out I really can't resist telling the story of when I found out, that Jon and Satomi liked each other. The day Satomi moved into our house in Indooroopilly, was a ray of sunshine. Satomi has this wonderful view of the world, this lovely gentle energy, and it's infectious. Everyone in the house loved Satomi immediately! And yet, I don't think anyone, realized there was one person in the house was starting to fall in love with Satomi. Jon had eyes for Satomi and kept that more or less a secret from all of us. I'm great at keeping secrets, and he never told me. Bastard.
At the time I found out, I was dating a lovely girl called Debbie, and we walked into the living room, and there is Satomi and Jon sitting on the couch. No biggie, I thought, two housemates, sitting on the couch, spaced a roughly appropriate distance apart for housemates. So we sat down on a seat next to them and started watching some crappy American show that was playing, it really doesn't matter what the show was it was.
Now Debbie, being of the woman species, has this six sense that something was up, so instead of watching the TV, she was watching Jon and Satomi with this big grin on her face. She was staring at them.... and after she caught Satomi's attention, Debbie turned to me and gave me a dramatic kiss on the cheek. And I was thinking.... gosh woman, I mean I know I'm sexy... I was wearing my long striped grandpa pajamas, but hey - I'm watching TV you know, you shouldn't kiss me in front of my two innocent little housemates. And then Debbie stares at Satomi.... kind of like a dare with her eyes... and I don't know what's going on... but suddenly Satomi leans over and gives Jon a big wet kiss on the cheek.
And my jaw drops in shock. I mean, I've kissed Jon on the cheek before, but only when drunk, and this kiss was different. My world just just exploded... in that second, I realized that Satomi and Jon were an item and I had no idea they even liked each other. Meanwhile Jon had started blushing bright red... I'm sure some of you here have seen Jon turn bright red, he turns into this this bright red handsome tomato.
So I was still processing this information, and Debbie suddenly turns around and kisses me more passionately... and I really wasn't expecting that either, so I almost feel off my chair. Then after that kiss, Debbie turns back to Satomi... once again... daring her with her eyes.
And I think the interesting thing was Satomi was about to do it. Satomi was going to rise to challenge, and give Jon a big passionate kiss... but Jon said (in his deep voice). “No Satomi, we can't stoop to their level”...
So after that Debbie jumped up and said: “Yes! Satomi and Jon 0 points”. Which I guess was a pretty funny thing to say... except I didn't laugh, because I was still in total shock. Anyhow, we went downstairs to give them some privacy and for me to process the momumentalness of what I'd just seen. In that instant I saw Satomi kiss Jon on the cheek, everything actually clicked in my head, I was just recovering from it. But in that instant, l already knew... wow, these guys are actually perfect for each other, these guys might get married. Satomi is this wonderful, caring, smart, fun and beautiful. And Jon is... well all those things too. And seven years later... here we are!
And so that's the story of how I found out... eventually we all found out, and we maybe each have our own story of our reaction when we found out.... but I think all of us appreciated what a wonderful moment it was for two shy and wonderful people to come together.
- So raise your glasses for our first toast. To Jon and Satomi !
We'll hear more stories later, but for now, I believe it's time for the appetizer. Enjoy!
BEFORE / INTRODUCING SPEECHES
Ladies and Gentlemen before we eat dinner, it's everybody's favorite part. It's time for speeches.
But before the first speaker, some of you have asked about the origins of the word “Jontomi”. This is a word a few people and speakers tonight might use... and you are probably thinking: wow oh my god, the person who came up “Jontomi” must be a totally brilliant, good looking and stand up guy. And you're right. It was me.
I remember when I first said “Jontomi” to Albert.. and Albert said... wow, this word, just fits them.... and sure enough it took off. For a while I was a little worried and perhaps Albert was worried too... what if Jontomi doesn't like being called that Jontomi? Well you probably noticed Jontomi, was the website Jon set up for this wedding, and when I saw that on the invites, I had this huge grin on my face. Mashing two names together isn't especially brilliant, you can do that for any couple, but what's brilliant is that here are two people who are very different, they both have their own wonderful personalities and they still have that.... but together... I think they know that they become this wonderful new entity, loving, kind and greater than the sum of their parts. Jontomi for me is a very affectionate reminder of that.... and so whenever I hear anyone use “Jontomi”, it's a great reminder of that.
Okay now, first up to talk, I believe, is the amazing Albert Yang, so give him a clap!
Okay, the next speech we have is the father of the bride, You-key-no-boo. _____
Thanks Alby! Next up to talk is, either Alana, mother of the groom or Gary, father of the Groom. A man who I've never seen in pants before.
Okay, now are there any other speeches or little messages? Excellent, well I think we're all really excited about the next part of this evening... which is dinner! We've already had a few toasts, so I'm not going to do another one. I'm just going to take a sip all by myself, and you guys can all look forward to dinner very soon. To the people who couldn't be here.
MUSIC / DANCE AFTER DESSERT
Hello again, hope everyone's' having fun! Is anyone really drunk? Good, you'll be expected to dance. Actually, Big Jon and Satomi came to my parent's place earlier this week, specifically to tell me that they didn't really want to dance. But I just thought... out of curiosity... could we do a raise of hands, for who wants to see Jon and Satomi do a wonderful little slow dance.
Jon, are ready to disappoint all these people? Okay, maybe we'll do something else instead, and we can come see how you feel about the dance thing afterwards.
What's really cool now, is that we have someone here. Punay, who's got a great wedding game involving shoes, so please welcome Punay.
Ladies and gentlemen, in the great words of my favorite philosopher, Beyonce. Can all you single ladies put your hands up. So that's anyone who is (a) female and doesn't have a ring on this finger... or maybe is married, but thinks they could do better. Great, now if you can all write your phone numbers on my arm, that would be really great.
Actually, that's not the tradition, Satomi is about to throw the bouquet, so please stand over there.
If I could have your attention everyone. It's that really sad time of the evening when..... the eventing is almost over... and we say goodbye to the bridge and groom. Tomorrow they set off an a spectacular adventure back to a wonderful place called Wollongabba in Brisbane.... which sounds like a pretty lousy honeymoon to me, but we wish them all the best. We've already said all we needed to say about this lovely couple, so lets all line up so they can give them a big kiss goodbye - it's been a fun wedding!