Woo-Woo scale
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The 0 to 10 "woo-woo scale" below is a playful look at what it means to be a cosmic, spiritual hippy. I was once a neuroscientist, so I was probably a 1 on this scale, but after dating a deeply spiritual tantric practitioner I realized I too love to believe in just a little bit of magic in the world and put myself around a 5. Where are you?!
My Graphical Representation of the "Woo-Woo Scale" (0-10)
What it means to be Woo-Woo
These days, it feels like everyone wants to do yoga and call themselves a little bit spiritual. Words like "conscious" and "spiritual" have been trending for a while now, but there can be a big woo-woo difference between a wealthy yoga mum who says she follows a vegan diet and morning meditation in her expensive LuLu Lemon outfit... and a cosmic, homeless, drifter who speaks in riddles, works on the land, collects crystals, wears second-hand rags, and whispers to trees to clear their aura. I once asked everyone in the room their "woo woo level" during an ecstatic dance - which is itself relatively woo-woo - and it was entertaining to hear people's answers. I told them that nobody should be defensive because people high on the scale are usually magically to date... while people low on the scale are more likely to hold down a real job, and talk in a way that regular people can understand them. I also once asked "who's the most woo-woo person you've ever dated", and that got lots of laughs too. You can quickly start to joke about how many hippy points you get for owning crystals, clearing auras, speaking about "energy", and of course attending endless workshops and retreats themed around energy healing, obscure "conscious" dance, tantra, reiki, astrology, poly circles and ancestral charts. Then of course, if you really want to up your game you need to become a life coach, holistic yoga teacher or shaman to lead people on psychedelic journeys with cacao, mushrooms, ayahuasca, bufo, MDMA or (old-school) LSD.
Woo-Woo Vocabulary Lesson
If you're still not sure where you fall, have a friend just assess the way you talk. If you sound "normal", you're probably below a 5.... if you sound anything like this you are an 8 or higher:
“Are you open to aligning your chakras and exploring tantric practices? I feel like we could go so deep with each other... not just physically but on an energetic level. We can create a sacred space tonight, really honour our connection, and let the universe guide us. Two cosmic beings intertwined in light.
My inner being is telling me that our energies are aligned and connected on a soul level. You have such a conscious presence; it's like I can see right into your aura, and it's just... vibrating at this beautiful, warm love frequency. It’s rare to meet someone who gets the journey? Some people don’t understand how important it is to do the inner work, to peel back the layers of ego.
This reminds the retreat I went to last month - an intimate, high-vibration space in the mountains, just such sacred energy—and there was this shaman who led us through a cacao ceremony. I felt like I left my body and connected with my highest self. He spoke about the path to quantum healing and how we carry ancestral trauma in our energy fields. I realized that I’ve been manifesting this kind of connection my whole life... someone who embraces conscious love, and ethical non-monogamy, and who’s on a parallel spiritual journey. I feel like the universe brings people together for a reason, right?”
This particular example also happens to feel like spiritual pick-up lines, but I've seen all kinds of wonderful hippy speak that I couldn't understand. Over time, you start to understand what it all means. Beautiful, beautiful fluff... yet, once you start embracing the woo-woo, you really can have moments of inner beauty, and if it feels good… and it’s not hurting anyone, then why not?
Disclaimer
I use the word "woo-woo" very affectionately, and was excited to create this scale, but it is by no means well "calibrated". It's mostly meant to be funny, and there are so many fun words I wish I could have squeezed into it, but you can create your own judgements about what activities and beliefs land you at what scale. This is for humour purposes, but it also is fun to spark discussion and make wonderful realizations about your friends!
Sincerely,
Andrew Noske
PS: Feedback is most encouraged! :)
See Also
- Empathy Scale - Another fun scale, that is quite related.
