Song - Mother I know

From NoskeWiki
Jump to: navigation, search


NOTE: This page is a daughter page of: Songs

Click here to watch the video

Title: ....... Mother Now I Know
Length: ..... 4 mins 27 secs
Credits: .... Andrew Noske, Josh DeBusschere (soundcloud)
URL: ........

The song itself.... recorded 17 October 2015

I've never recorded a song with live instruments before. I've never really written a proper song before, so be gentle on my first attempt. My initial lyrics were way too long... and even after cutting back, it's too long, but here I'll include both the shortened and original long version.

There's no denying this song is personal in nature, but writing it seemed to help overcome a feeling of large betrayal I had. Sometimes knowing is painful, but this song is largely a song of love towards my mother. I've never had this happen to me before until recently, and suddenly I felt like I better understood the vice-like grip it can take on a person's heart.

Since it's a first attempt... and was written an recorded in one afternoon, it's a little amateurish - I'm no song writer... and I'm not singer either. I was hoping Josh could actually sign lyrics, but he had a cold... I sound like I have a cold but that's just my voice sadly.

Lyrics: Mother I know (shortened version)

c-g-e (x4) .... b-g-e (4) .... a-f-d (4) .... b-g-f (4) [SAXOPHONE]


Em - - - - - - - - - 				- - A - - - - -
Staring for hours at an lifeless screen,	my mind is a thunderstorm... and no words come to me.
Didn't expect I'd ever be in this place, 	I can't function at my work, I can't get sleep or play.
Thought of a girl swimming in my head,  	but this is not a girl, deserving of love from me,
						... both then and ever more.

c-c ... d-b-a > f | > c .. d-f-g [SAXOPHONE]


G - -  D - - Em - - - -
As mother, now I know<
The agonizing heartburn my father caused you so.
The years in front of me where you cried.
But I was just a boy, too young to realize.


Em - - - - - - - - - 				- - A - - - - -
What once was good.. now completely demised,
and I can't shake this feeling everyone knew it the whole time.
I look back now and see all the signs,		the looks of pure sympathy I saw in everybody's eyes.
I've seen that look before,			when dad still had you under his lies.


G - -  D - - Em - - - -
Mother, now I know
The agonizing humiliations when played the fool at home.
For years I cried with you, until all tears went dry.
But I was just a boy then, I couldn't fully empathize.

Mother, now I know.
What it feels like, when a person you love betrays your soul.
What hurts the most isn't who they saw.
But the way they deceived for all that time, without so much as blinking.


Lyrics: Mother I know (long version)



Em - - - - - - - - - 				- - A - - - - -
I never suspected what I know now,		I guess I trusted too much somehow
Everyday now when alone in my car,		the thunderstorm of thoughts stretch wide and far.
With how I was raised with honesty so important to me,
						I forget that so many are capable to lie and cheat,
						... with so many, and whose poor heart are they breaking now.


G - -  D - - Em - - - -
So mother, now I know.
And it's sting of it migrates up from the depths of my throat
 And I feel a vice grips on my heart continually.

Still refusing to believe, the they lied so endlessly.

Mother, now I know
The agonizing heartburn my father caused you so.
The years in front of me where you cried.
But I was just a boy, too young to realized.

Mother, now I know
Just a glimpse of what you felt all those years.
For years I cried with you, until our eyes were dry.
And I thank you for overcoming it.



Em - - - - - - - - - 				- - A - - - - -
They've still see me dance it's true, 		but perhaps it's just my mask to hide the truth.
Know this now I'd never cheat on her,	even now I would never do that, to you.

Words from a friend that made me want to scream,	every conversation presented to me.
Part of me wishes I'd never heard,		but now it's clear to me, some things can't be unseen.
The weekends you were away, 			always too tired to stay.
Instead of suspicion, I shower you with love and gifts and trust,
						because I thought you honest too, and worthy of real love.
So will this stain me bitter forever, 		unable to trust again.
Will I not believe the words of the next girls,	who says she's good and true.
How to get closure, or friendship back,	without this closure can I ever resume and relax.
At this moment who are they laying with,	and am I jealous or simply sorry for the next heartbreak.
						... should I be sorry for you.


G - -  D - - Em - - - -
Mother, now I know.
What it feels like, when the one you love lies out of control.
What hurts the most isn't how many people they saw.
But the way they moved on so quickly to the next, like they never cared at all.

Acknowledgements: Josh DeBusschere for showing me his little recording studio, playing guitar and making this track with me!... the lyrics *might* have some potential, so I hope he makes his own version where he sings - unlike me, he's has an amazing voice. Also Stephanie W for introducing me to Josh and encouraging me to try this. I think it helped.

TODO(anoske): See why new restricted tag doesn't work on new pages. Might need to reinstall MediaWiki - I think this old version has bugs.