Overcoming lies and cheating
Cheating. They say it happens to most people at least once, at some stage in life. I believe it happened to me once and I was devastated, but eventually I turned something triggering into something great, via the vulnerable journey of growth it put me on. I wish I had collected some of the amazing articles which are helped me. I like a record things, else I lose them. At least here I have a few notes.
I have plenty of friends who have been cheated on... and I wish when they had come to me I had some of these articles to send them, so that the articles might be able to help them as they've helped me.
Articles about Being Lied to and Cheated On
- 5 Ways to Recover From Being Cheated, Lied to, or Manipulated
Perhaps my favorite article I've read so far.... explains that if you've been taken for a ride by a talented liar or master manipulator, all it means is that you're an honest person. It suggests:
(1) Forgive yourself for being fooled
(2) Don't give a known liar the benefit of the doubt
(3) Learn the basics of deception detection
(4) Stop being shy about checking things out
(5) Don't change who you are.
- Being Cheated On Was The Best Thing That Ever Happened To You
Includes what you already know: that fate can make the best decisions for us - be thankful you found out and dodged a bullet. You can, and will get over pain - it just may take months, or even years. What happened opens up new ability to empathize with others who have been through the same thing - a new appreciation for all those sad songs, maybe you'll even write one yourself to let out some anger. It makes you wiser. I like this quote: "Only those who have experienced deep, emotional pain can evolve into stronger, more stable people. Because it takes real, true heartbreak to teach us". Don't be jealous that your ex moved on so quickly - feel sorry for inability to grow in life. You are better than that.
- What Not To Do If You've Been Cheated On: Pointers for Chumps
Like many articles, this is focused on people already married. It's actually bad article for depth, but is slightly funny. They suggest: "Do not confront the cheater until you've gathered evidence"... which I don't agree with necessarily (the act of gathering evidence might cause you cause lines you don't really want to cross - or maybe they've covered their tracks so well you'll never find out), but I am trying to take their last piece of advice: "Do not waste your time trying to figure them out". Easier said than done, but something to work on. It's also try that the cheating is on them, not you. Very few people navigate infidelity gracefully. "Accept that you're going to wobble and fail sometimes. It's okay. The goal here, upon finding out that you've been cheated on, is to take back your power, maintain your dignity and not do anything homicidal." Like I said, it's a little funny, and perhaps that humor will help you.
- 5 Ways to get Over an Ex Who Deceived You
More advice from someone unqualified, but it's good to weight all opinions. Here are his tips:
(1) Cut off all contact (an ex who lies to you is not a friend, period)
(2) Quit obsessing (don't question every time they were away, what they were doing... finally reach the realization: "the details don't matter, just the big picture: that they lied")
(3) Trust yourself again (see below)
(4) Handle mutual friends with class (the real friends are the ones who stick around and help you through this difficult time)
(5) Be patient when you start dating (it takes a while to get over a breakup).
I particularly like what he said about trust:
Truth: I trusted someone else's words over my own gut.
Truth: I let someone bring out the worst in me.
Truth: I lived through a deceitful relationship and I know myself better now than I did before.
Turn your negative feelings into positive ones and don't beat yourself up for believing someone else's lies. It happens.
- An incredible theory about cheating - Worth a read to make sure you never again get cheated on.