If you're like me, whenever it's time to write a message in a card you draw a blank. It's especially frustrating is when it's a group card and everyone else seems to have written something great (as if they already picked what to write off some magical list), but you know you can't just copy them! Whether it's a group card for someone's going away, a friend's birthday or even something for family, it's hard to instantly think up something funny and/or affectionate (depending on what you are going for). On this page I've tried to write out some generic messages and funny expressions which will help us out the next time we draw a blank! I've try my best to avoid all the really lame messages I typically see online and added quite a few myself (marked with #). :)
DISCLAIMER: The messages you below shouldn't be your whole message. If it's a good friend you should always write something personal, but using a message like this is a good way to help you get started and lead into that.
Start & End
Unless you're low on space you should start with the person's name - as in "Dear Julie", "Hi Joe" - or, if you are feeling more adventurous, try something like: "Hi buddy", "Dude!" or some personal nickname.
At the end of the message you should add something funny/personal and then finish with your name - as in: "Best wishes, Andrew" or if you're feeling adventurous "Hugs and kisses", "From your biggest fan", "Your biggest admirer" or "xoxo" (TIP: can be quite hilarious for one guy to use hugs and kisses to another guy). To the end of that I usually draw my little signature cartoon dog - but that's just me!
- Growing old may be mandatory, but growing up is optional. Hope you stay young forever.
- I got two tips on your birthday: (1) forget the past you can't change it... and (2) forget the present, I didn't get you one.
- Happy anniversary of your umbilical cord separation!
- Happy revolution around the sun!
- I'm so proud of you on your 25th birthday. You've become such an independent and fine young woman. I know it's hard fighting off those young men who pine over you, but keep up the good work! xoxox
- TIP: write this to either (a) a lady who's clearly 30+ and she'll love you... or (b) a guy who's got a sense of humor. #
- For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.
- Sorry about the card - we wanted one that said "to our little princess", but they didn't have one in pink. #
Special Birthday / Party Event ... (eg: 18th, 21st or 40th)
- The best birthday party is the one you don't remember. So drink up and have a great birthday!
- I just wanted you to know I'm really proud of you and you're an amazing pers.... Oh who am I kidding, where's the free alcohol! :-) #
- I've been looking forward to your birthday party all week! Oh sure, we think you're awesome, but more than that I'm excited about seeing you get drunk! So harpy berthdey! #
- You're not 40; you're 18 with 22 years of experience.
- TIP: This one is actually pretty darn common for a 40th, so maybe mix it up a little with something like: "not 35 - you're 25 with 10 years of decent sex" - or something like that. #
Slightly Horrible / Old Jokes ... (must have a sense of humor about their age!)
- I'm not going to make any age related jokes because I genuinely feel bad about how old you are.
- They say another birthday represents another year closer to death... And you thought we were celebrating because we loved you!
- No seriously though - you mean a lot to all of us! :-P #
- You know, I've always liked old things... and you're no exception. #
- It's really just like any other day of the year, except we're supposed to be nice to you and value your opinions today. Even though they suck. It will be hell. :) #
- Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.
- I know you'll have a happy birthday... because when it comes to having birthdays, you have a lot of experience.
- It may be a good thing, or it may be a bad thing. They definitely broke the mold when you were born.
- A great friend remembers your birthday, not your age. You're 42 right - that's ancient!
- Sorry you got older today.
- Someone mentioned that this is the anniversary of when you popped out of a vagina or something. Glad you popped out safe.
- I'm sorry I missed getting you a card for your birthday a few days ago. Hopefully, with this card being almost 12 months early for next year, it will make up for me missing a year. #
- Birthday cards are like overdue items from the library. The later they are, the bigger the fine. (and then enclose a money gift)
- A true friend remembers your birthday, but not your age.
- If I had to choose just three words to describe you I'd chose _______, _______ and _______. #
- On your birthday you may feel extra special... but I find you special every day of the year.
- May your birthday be as magnificent as you are.
- May you live as long as you like, but never want, as long as you live.
Pure Insanity Approach
- May this wonderful day be filled with punt kiss dump truck ship eating walrus walker doing the butt bump so hard that it explodes your clothes off ... Happy 10th birthday!!
- Good luck and best wishes with your new job!
- You will be very missed around here. Best of luck to you and your family.
- Sorry to see you go.
- When I heard you were leaving work I was shocked. None of us had any idea you actually worked here! We just thought you just liked hanging out. #
- Now that you're leaving, I will finally be the coolest person at work! #
- *OR* Now you're leaving you can be honest - I'm totally the coolest person at work right?! #
- Smart, creative, hardworking - these are all the attributes of a perfect employee. No wonder you were fired. Oh wait, you weren't fired?! Well that's awkward. Congrats on the new job. #
- Sorry to hear you're leaving. I the boss finally caught you stealing and you were fired. Shit happens hey. :) #
- I just wanted to say how wonderful and special you are have been to me as my favorite co-worker and friend. On that note: can I have your computer monitor buddy?!
- *OR* Staring a new job, with all the uncertainty and drama can be terrifying. I bet your under serious emotional stress right now...... so can I have your old chair? #
- I can't believe your leaving. Please let me know exactly what day you're going so we can organize a huge party.... you know.... the day after. :-P #
- This place won't be the same without you. It will be way, way better really. #
- With you gone, there will be one less employee at our company. Don't worry about letting us down or being hard to replace, looking over your credentials you'll probably be replaced in a few days, and the new guy will be younger, smarter and harder working. #
- Dear acquaintance, ... (for some reason I find the idea of starting with this hilarious!) #
- I'm kind of glad you're leaving now, so I have a chance to be the one banging the boss.
- Dear Mindy, you are one of the few people I wish I had spend more time talking to. You seem just amazing. We haven't officially met, but if you look outside your apartment window I'm the guy with the telescope. xoxo
- This place won't be the same without you - we'll miss you heaps.
- Take me with you!
- During pregnancy, part of the food helps the baby grow. Pregnant ladies turn burgers to babies. Thanks for feeding me before I was born, and after. :)
- Hey mum, thanks for incubating me all those months.
- Thanks for not psychologically damaging me.
- Great job mum, I turned out fantastic.
- Dearest mother, I can only imagine how proud you are that I remember to send a card.
- I love that we don't have to say out loud that I'm your favorite child.
- Thanks for teaching me how to crap on a toilet. Turned out to be a really useful life skill.
- I have the greatest love for you... not just for carrying me physically for 9 months.... and financially for the rest of my life.
- Thanks for not being my most embarrassing parent on Facebook.
- Your one of my favorite parents.
- Thanks for making me from a sperm.... I turned out okay right.
- Thanks for banging mum and making me - totally appreciate that.
- For all the support you've given me, I'll one day pay your nursing home bill. If you live till then.
Wedding (Guest Book)
- I don't know if there's such a thing as a perfect love, but if such a precious delicate beautiful thing does exist, it would only be found with such amazing people as the two of you.
- Trip over love, you can get up. Fall in love and you'll fall forever.
- A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.
- Remember: marriage doesn't mean you own the other person, just their stuff.
- Your wife complements you wonderfully. She somehow accentuates what little about you is good and hides all your flaws. Your serious, serious flaws. Even the ones she doesn't know about. You did well my friend!
- I'm so excited for you guys. You will have moments when you really love each other. Then there will be the rest of the time.
- When I was robbed one the guy said, "you're money or your life". I'm sorry your wife demanded you give both.
- You're an amazing guy who lived like a lion. Your wife is an amazing woman, who tamed that lion. And now you are a common, boring domesticated cat. Meow.
- Love is the answer to everything. Just stick with that belief like an insect in honey and you'll be fine.
- The wife is always smarter than the husband. Why? The moment of marriage, the man looses his bachelor degree and the woman gains her masters degree.
- Remember, it doesn't matter who wears the pants, just who controls the zipper.
- Every man's dream is a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. Now all you need is two or three more wives and you've got it covered.
- They say that marriage is a great institution. And like many types of institutions, you need to be crazy to get into it.
- Marriage: a permit that lest you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
- When I heard you were getting married, I dropped everywhere to get to this special occasion. And not much is more special than free food, free food and dancing.
- When two become one, half the fun disappears... but will so will half your stuff if you screw up.... so keep smiling.
- Funny Team Names - Lots of these team names are mine, and most are terrific for the fun team events like trivia, used to avoid your normal boring life. :)
- BlackFlannery - Birthday Messages, Wishes and Quotes: What to Write in a Card - has some pretty funny ones, including messages for your mother, father, sibling, belated and all the major milestones birthdays (1st,16th,18th,21st,30,40,50 and 60th).