Advice for women on dating
I'm still single at the time of writing this, so it would be ridiculous for me to claim to be an expert on dating, but I absolutely love it when my female friends ask me for an honest male opinion on their dating/love lives. I don't hold back on honesty, as I believe that's the way to growth! :)
One key piece of advice I believe holds is this: if you want advice on dating a woman, ask an actual woman. Don't ask a man. Men are likely to oversell their advice and claim they've hacked a way to impress a woman, but are probably just repeating advice from pickup artists - men who try to optimize hacks/shortcuts to sleep with women (often through hurtful deception/sneakiness) and are thus terrible at keeping them happy or creating a sustainable real relationship. Beware of men who don't have close female friends and inside go on advice from other men alongside disingenuous pickup strategies.
Now let's follow that this thread of thought further: if you want advice on dating a man, ask an actual man. Your female friends might oversell advice on playing games, but may not have the foggiest idea how to meet, initiate spark and connect deeply with a quality man. And you can't fault them, because I do believe meeting a genuine grounded man is even harder than finding a quality woman - hence so many of my female friends back in the United States are struggling. Try to ask for honesty advice from the type of man that is or understands the type of man you'd like to date... but not one that has an obvious attraction to you and this may give you a non-biased answer.
I'd got much further than asking one man though. Ask all your best male friends (plus any caring relatives or honest exes) what they think is holding you back. Mention explicitly, that it's not a trap and you want to hear their radically honest feedback, even if it's brutal! They might make insights into the way you are, how you present yourself, your age, your insecurities, your "competition", and your dating pool that you may not want to hear, but discomfort is the way to realization, growth, and change behaviors. Don't get defensive. Different people will perceive you differently, but once multiple people all tell you the same piece of feedback (eg: "you are a pushover), then pay attention.
Since you can't ask multiple men through this website, one man I adore is Matthew Hussey. I've watched many of his videos and I'm always impressed by how he's attuned and honest without ever being mean. I almost always agree with his advice, and I thought I'd explicitly call out some of these pieces of advice, mixed with my own thoughts, and links to his video.
Matthew Hussey - Advice On Dating Women - Summary Points
Pay Attention to the Quiet Ones and Drop the Hankerchief
- The Science of Attraction: Why You’ve Not Met Someone > Dating Advice (28.24 secs).
- Don't only meet the loudest guy in the room (30:00) - For good men, the more interested they are in you, the less likely they might be to approach you. They are not cowardly, they are probably being respectful. How many women are then only talking to the loudest man in the room? This is probably the worst potential partner and most superficial in approaching you without tact.
- Drop the handkerchief > (32:30) - The idea that in the olden days, if a woman liked a man she could drop her handkerchief near him, making him feel like he was proactive in opening a conversation, but actually she was proactive in creating opportunity (choosing instead of being chosen). A modern-day approach (35:50) would be to ask a very small easy favor of someone: "would you watch my jacket while I use the restroom?", "what did you order?", "'can I get your opinion on something?" > a very small way to break the ice.
Compliments a Man's Look (not just his character)
- It started as as joke I'd tell people, but then I realize it was true:
- Women appreciate compliments about their character. Attractive women are used to being complimented on their looks, and just their looks, to the point there it turns them off. It shows a focus on the superficial instead of something deeper like "I've noticed about you, that you are kind to strangers", "You have an intelligence and poise about you when you talk", "I genuinely love your humor".
- Men love compliments about their looks. Truly good men are used to being complimented on their values, and being a "good guy". To us it might trigger the memory of friend zone language. To initiate a relationship, or the chance of dating start with something as simple as "I love your shirt" (super easy and non-committal) or "you have pretty eyes", "you have great shoulders". It can be as innocent as you like, that man will immediately like you more, and (if done correctly) show him that he might have a chance. It gives a man a chance to rise up in confidence and become the man you want him to be.
- The Science of Attraction: Why You’ve Not Met Someone - Matthew Hussey - Great video.... I especially love at: ...
- Cheating - I wrote up a theory on why people cheat and another page on overcoming the hurt.