Difference between revisions of "Poem - Thank God for Sex"

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Revision as of 16:22, 28 November 2022

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NOTE: This page is a daughter page of: Poems


A famous painting....



Oh God / Thank God for Sex

If God created man and woman,
Then God is one seriously horny guy.
He is up in heaven right now admiring his creations,
And masturbating furiously in the sky.


He didn't need to give us naughty bits,
He didn't need to invent hardcore sex.
Reproduction could have been a simple as "shake my hand",
But he made it fun, when he made it more complex.


He didn't need to give us orgasms,
He didn't need to make teenagers feel permanently aroused.
But by Jesus when you touch a woman the right way,
She'll yell out in pleasure aloud.


He didn't need to invent squirting,
It doesn't really help make a child.
But thank God a large fraction of people out there,
Like their sex to be loud, wet and wild.


They say he created man in his image,
Which seems a little narcissistic to me.
But if he is the only one of his kind up there,
What point to his erection can there be?


If the lord created a naked Adan and Eve,
I must conclude that he is one horny fuck.
It is pure accident he gave us multiple holes,
And genitals which feel good to suck.


Some say he commanded "wear a condom" and "chop off the tip",
But I think that was an honestly misunderstanding.
This whole planet is his free porn hub channel,
So let's all make our sex lives outstanding.


I hope this poem doesn't offend too many Christians,
I merely am thanking your god.
For creating such a sexy creature as a woman with curves,
And for creating men with a magically stiffening rod.


Some of your followers God, say you don't condone all sex,
And maybe not a fan of man-on-man action.
I say they might be wrong as your son's all men disciple club and last supper,
Sounds like a big gay dinner party attraction.


Is it any wonder that in the throws of passion,
We often yell out bible references with glee.
We yell "Oh my god" or "Jesus Christ",
It sounds like blessing to me.


And in other religions I hope they thank their gods too,
For all of the fun things in sex you can do.
From tantric sex with energetic orgasms to sexual restraint and old fashioned group sex.
For more and more religions very slowly awakening to womens' choice and rights.. this was well overdue.


God, I don't know you in a biblical sense,
And this poem is not mean to be at anyone's expense.
But I really hope you are truly watching us right now,
That you truly love all of us, and that all these verses make perfect sense.


God I may not be religious.
But I am very thankful for sexual bliss.
It's one of my favorite flavors of life.
So let us all raise up our wine glass to this:


"Thank you oh lord, for carnal pleasure. For masturbation. For horny people. For foreplay and consent. For sexy bottoms and perky breasts. Can I get an Amen for men and women of all colors and shapes and sizes. Can I get a hallelujah for hot ass slapping interracial porn. For threesomes. For sex toys. For voyeurism. For fifety shades of women feeling titillated by trashy erotic literature. For ejaculation and the wonder of multiple orgasms. For embarrassing teenage erections and sexual education programs. For multiple erotic holes. For full body orgamsms. For enough sexual positions to fill a book. For the miracle of squirting. For the beauty of the female vagina just as it is. For infinite of sexual identities and preferences. For asexual people, bisexual, demisexual, transsexual and beyond. For thousands of kinks and flavors of fornication. For lesbian porn.... For gay porn. For kinky porn. For bondage. Even if you don't visit those particular channels on porn.com, you are still grateful that they are there for that day when you feel curious. Let us pray that all human intercourse is kept safe and consentual and that no person is ashamed of their body, or exploration or the way that you made them. Thank you for for steaming orgies. Thank you for growing sexual acceptance and exploration. For the option of oral and anal. Lord, you may just be are the hornist bastard in the universe. And for that we are all grateful. God bless... yourself. Amen."


            -- by Andrew Noske


Inspiration

I wrote this poem in Dec 2019 while on a plane from San Franciso to Atlanta to visit a wonderful girl I had met in the bay. She was from the religious-turned-agnostic camp, something we dicussed on our first date while eating delicious cheese. I mostly wanted to stay awake on the flight, and I didn't have a book, so I was thinking: "what's something fun to write about?". Sex of course! But I wanted a unique take on sex.... and it came to me. God is everywhere. God is inside of us and he sees everything..... everything! Well if he created us, then he's surely a little kinky. Does he wear a roman like robe, or maybe leather? I don't know the answer to that, but if God doesn't have anyone that he can have make sweet loving to in heaven, then he probably gets his kicks from voyerism.

After I finished the first draft I thought. Wow, if there is a God, does writing poetry like this mean I'm going to hell? If pre-marital sex means hell, then definitely. Heck, just reading this poem might guarentee you some good real-estate in hell. Or does it? Maybe the big fella has a good sense of humor and this poem, and the message of acceptance that it underpins.... maybe this actually gets me into a great penthouse in heaven, surrounded by sexy angels. I have no idea.

Honestly, I just hope it makes you laugh. :)

Sincerely,

    Andrew Noske


Acknowledgements: In 2022 I first read this poem in front of other people on a last minute wim. A huge thank you to (ecstatic dancers) Tara and Steven for hosting a thanksgiving meal and talent quest which turned into an incredible amazing crowd in Steven and John's place which happens to be a castle. Yes you heard right... my first ever reading of this poem was in a castle! It was a shortened version (I think I missed a passage or two) but one of the guests, Jesus (yes his name is Jesus) gave me a standing ovation and hug. I have a dream of doing standup one day for fun, and I decided I should lead with this poem. It's a crowd pleaser and the full version of it has a sweet message which people of every religious belief can support. To love and accept all people, regardless of their sexual identity and beliefs.


File:Jesus whipped 900w.jpg
I'm sorry that you'll never see picture like this the same way again.


See Also